An Introduction to First Texts
First texts require no explanation, but that doesn’t make them any easier to write. The first impression you make is important. You want to hit the tone just right so that you come across as friendly but still sexy, interested but not needy, direct but not dismissive.
Get the tone wrong and decrease your odds of a response. Don’t get a response to your first text and then you straight away have to consider whether you should call the girl, risk sending two texts in a row, or angrily delete the girl’s number (not that I’d usually advise you to do this, or get angry full stop).
Do you know that old rule about leaving it two days before you respond to a girl? Forget it. Now. That rule was created when people only had a landline, and unhappy singletons spent their evenings clicking through their voicemail. Now that we are never more than a foot from our BB or everything it just doesn’t make sense any longer to wait for ages before
sending her that first message.
If you meet a girl during the daytime then drop a text a couple of hours after you’ve met. If you meet her at night, try the next afternoon.
In short strike whilst the iron is hot! That way she’ll remember how great the interaction was, you’ll have a genuine connection and she’ll remember the reasons why she gave you her number in the first place.
You wouldn’t be worried about her texting you back if you had more options.
— How To Approach Bot (@ApproachBot) July 4, 2022
Rules of text thumb
Look, as I’ve mentioned to you before there aren’t so much in the way of ‘hard and fast rules as there are ‘generally sensible guidelines’. Each text, interaction, and relationship is unique and should be treated as such. That said when you’re putting the first text together…
- Don’t dive straight into asking for the date, unless you already discussed this when you met (& she seemed seriously keen). Your first mission is always just to get a response!
- Write a decent length of text. Very short texts make it hard for her to respond to you.
- Try to include some details from the original interaction: this will help her to remember why you clicked.
- Be specific. Asking vague ‘what have you been up to?’ style questions are, again, very tricky for her to respond to.
Instead, make a specific assumption about what she’s doing/ how she’s feeling.
- Don’t make it all about one specific question: if she doesn’t respond to texts that end with a very direct question then it comes across like she’s ignored you. Even if this is the case, you don’t want it to appear as such.
If your original message sucked– try again in 2 days’ time with a ping message or put in an ‘anti-flake’ phone call.
Did that really just happen? Ok, you’re officially crazy; and so we should be friends. ADAM x
Use a qualification for why she gets to be your friend.
Hey ITALIAN MARIA- is this where I say CIAO? Ok, I’m
rubbish. Let’s kick start a FOREIGN LANGUAGE course via
text. You teach me some ITALIAN & you get to learn the best
ENGLISH slang, ALEX X
Use a knowledge exchange to get the banter started.
You + crazy DANCE MOVES + too much TEQUILA = a really bad headache today. You better be in pain too over there… RALPH x
Bring back fun memories of the night before.
Happy MONDAY… meeting you on SATURDAY night
was cool. Are you bored at your desk now or having way
more fun than me? PETE x
Engage them when they’re bored to up your chances of a response.
Hey LAURA, you seem like a pretty interesting girl;
despite the fact you love OASIS! We should catch up
sometime. FREDDIE x
Tease her about her hobbies & interests to prompt a response.
I went to bed at 5 am last night… I remember meeting a crazy girl at about midnight. Please explain (no rude words)
what happened in between…CHRIS x
Ask for no rude words and she might be tempted to disobey.
I like how you text me late last night. Sorry – got bored and went home; feel free to carry on pestering me to meet
though 😉 JOHN x
Tease her if she texts you first.
Hey HAIRDRESSER ALICE, are you busy dealing with a demanding customer or gossiping with co-workers? PHIL x
Use what you know about her to assume what she’s up to when she receives the text.
Have you googled me yet 😉
Take a risk and assume everything she does is a sign she’s massively attracted to you.
*Attach picture of breakfast/ cool activity etc* my weekend keeps improving! Last night was almost as fun though…
😉 Adrian x
Use multimedia messages to get a more engaged response.
Did you ever make your meeting? It was fun making myself late for work by meeting you HARJ x
Sometimes it’s ok to be romantic, as long as you don’t come across as needy.
And here was me thinking you were going to break the
stereotype and text me first 😉 or are you not as much of a rebel as I thought? Phil x
Make her justify herself to get a response.
Random meeting you like that… or have you always ignored your parents’ warnings about talking to strangers? 😉
Things are more tempting to do if they’re forbidden.
And here was I thinking I was having a boring Sunday…
Risky. Only use it if you think she fell for you or if you met in an unusual way.
Hey NEW YORK LISA, so how has your first month in
London been? Hope you haven’t had to ‘cut a bitch’ (or whatever you get up to in BROOKLYN) yet 😉 RICH x
Use where they’re from, or another stereotype, to tease them.
Still can’t believe you’ve never heard of THE CURE. We’re never going to be Facebook friends at this rate… Mike x
Challenge her on her tastes& let her know she has to qualify to be your friend.
So from now on, every time I catch the TRANSPORT am I going to meet an interesting girl, in a BLUE COAT & talk
about VIDEO GAMES? Carl x
Use a low-risk reminder of where you met her to show you listened to her.
Hey MARSHA, you seemed like a pretty interesting girl to meet in CLOTHES SHOP. Next time we speak should be
over COFFEE, not CLOTHES RAILS, though. PETER x
If you met a girl whilst she was working sometimes it works to take a risk & being direct.
Hi RACHEL, always good meeting someone who’s into XXXX- you can’t have everything in common with me though.
Bet you don’t like XXX, XXXX, or XXXXX Chris x
Give her a detailed list of likes/ dislikes and she’ll have plenty to respond to.
Hey CHRISTINA, so I guess this is blind texting? Feel like throwing caution to the wind and going for a blind phone call
instead? Ed x
If you didn’t meet in person, try to up their investment by getting them on the phone.
Hey MELISSA, I like how we’ve upgraded from emails to texts: do you always like to move fast? 😉
Do a role reversal and make out that she’s the one pursuing you.
Hey NINA, now we’re officially off work’s internet system, why don’t we say something naughty…? Like how I’ve always suspected that there’s something going on between JO in ACCOUNTS and MIKE…
Share a secret to creating an ‘in joke’
Hey very CHILLED SARAH, so are you totally used to guys coming up to you in the street? You seemed like a pro to
me, IAN 😉
Discuss their personality: everyone likes talking about themselves.
Hey LINDA, I don’t usually text girls first but you looked like you had a lot to say … So what else don’t I know about you? FRANK x
Set an expectation that she has a lot to say for herself to get a good response.
Hey! Here’s my number, keep it safe, don’t show it to your friends, or text it 100 times a day, and I think we could become good friends 😛 WILLIAM x