What is Approaching?
It’s not normal to start conversations with strangers. It can even be intimidating. However, everything is based on you being able to approach attractive women without awkwardness and smoothly start a conversation. We call this process “Approaching” and the ways we start conversations “Openers.”
You might be wondering why you need to have specific ways to start talking to someone. Can’t you just walk up to a woman and say “Hi, I’m Joe” and start a conversation? Yes, you can, and it might even work.
We discuss this type of opener later in the section entitled “No Opener.”
In general, however, we find that most attractive women are hit on so often by so many different men that they are used to rejecting strangers as soon as they approach, and only make exceptions for men who seem unusually good-looking, successful, or socially desirable. Getting to your Transition or to a normal conversation should take anywhere from ten seconds to two minutes.
If you take much longer, both the single topic and the interaction as a whole risk becoming stale and it can become awkward to transition to other topics and develop the conversation.
Types of openers
You can classify openers along a risk-reward continuum. A low-risk-reward opener is more likely to get a woman to respond (requires less compliance) but is less likely to lead to a normal conversation. For example, if you ask a woman for the time, the social rules of modern society more or less require her to answer. However, it can be awkward to move from discussing the time (the opener) to discussing subjects that can engage her emotionally (a normal conversation).
This makes asking for the time a generally poor choice of opener. Many low-risk-reward openers tend to focus on topics that do not
relate to you or her There are six major types of openers. We will look at these in order of their risk-reward profiles, from the lowest to the highest:
- No opener
Functional openers carry the lowest risk-reward profile. They relate to conversational subjects (usually questions) that most people feel socially bound to answer. For example: “Do you have a light?” or “Do you know how to get to X Street / X Restaurant / X Place?”
An opinion opener is exactly what it sounds like. You ask someone’s opinion about something. For example:
- My friend Eddie over there in the green shirt just broke up with his girlfriend. How long do you think he has to wait before dating her friend?
- I’m planning my friend’s birthday party next Friday and I’m trying to decide between the 80s themeband a jungle theme. What do you think?
- My friend keeps getting anonymous emails from a secret admirer but he thinks he knows who it is. Should he say something?
A situational opener relates to something relevant to the environment in which you and a woman find yourselves. For example:
- What drink is that?
- Is that [celebrity name] over there?
- I love this music.
Most men who do not have access to the type of material you have in Magic Bullets use situational openers. Therefore, most attractive women have heard them literally hundreds, if not thousands, of times. Moreover, there are only a finite number of interesting conversational subjects that are likely to arise in standard places to meet women. Your odds of coming up with something that she has not heard before are pretty low.
For example, you may think that the situational opener, “where did you get that necklace/bracelet/ purse/ring/etc.?”
could be original or interesting. However, most women will have heard this before
and will think that it’s far more likely that you are hitting on her than it is that you really care where she buys her jewelry.
When was the last time you went up to a woman you didn’t know and weren’t attracted to and asked her about what she was wearing?
You actually don’t have to use an opener. You can simply start talking to people. For example:
- Hi, You look just like my friend/little sister/cousin/niece/etc.
- Or you can open in mid-conversation as if you already know them. Just start telling people a story as if they were your friends, without any explicit pretext for talking to them. Of course, this is risky because the group’s natural reaction may be: “Why are you talking to us / telling us this?”
In a screening opener, you are making your intentions fairly clear. However, instead of forcing her to decide whether she is curious about you as in a direct opener, you imply that you are trying to decide whether you are interested in her. For example:
- Are you friendly?
- Is there more to you than meets the eye?
- I saw you from over there and wanted to see what you were like.
Direct openers are the highest risk and offer the greatest reward. Such openers, popularized by Badboy Lifestyles (www.BadboyLifestyles.com), are especially useful when approaching a woman who is by herself. They are also popular in continental Europe and in other cultures where talking to strangers is not common. In such cultures, approaching a group of strangers will carry a high risk of failure whatever type of opener you use, so you may as well use a direct opener since it has the highest reward. The Badboy Lifestyles crew usually uses direct openers, even for women in groups.
These work, but only if your body language and tonality are very strong.
Examples of Direct Openers :
- I like you. I want to get to know you.
- You’re cute/attractive.
- You’re the woman here I most want to meet.