SOME KEY CONCEPTS OF TEXTING FOR DATING

TEXTING FOR DATING RULES

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Now before I launch into my 125 unique text templates, and tips, there are just a few more key concepts to understand.

Wrapping your head around these concepts is important though: it will mean you’ll have an improved understanding of where to use certain messages, and maybe where things haven’t quite gone to plan in the past.
And yes unfortunately you do need to know what text is the right one to send to which girl: all women and interactions are unique, and must be treated as such.
Get it wrong and it will be like using a sledgehammer to pick a lock; or the textual equivalent of believing all women are the same. Anyone who has ever loved women kissed them, or endeavored to buy a birthday present for them, will know this is never the case…

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Investment

The most important concept in Texting for Dating, and arguably most relationships; is what I refer to as an investment.
Investment, in this context, is how much you care about the outcome of something. How much do you put into something?
In relationships, the ideal scenario would be a 50/50 tussle for investment: a perfect match in terms of how much time you want to spend together, where you see the relationship going, and how much you want things to ‘work out.

So what does this have to do with texts?

Well, just like in other areas of your dating life the key is usually to understand how invested another person is in you, and to mirror their investment.
Let me give you some examples as to why this is important.
Say you meet a lovely girl on your commute and get her number. You drop a cool and witty text yet she doesn’t reply.

It’s not that she didn’t like you, but she had a busy evening when she got home and just forgot all about it. You text her again: this time you sound a little agitated at her lack of response. She recognizes your annoyance, and is put off from contacting you again- she decides you may not be the right guy for her, so she decides to leave it. By this stage you feel really disappointed and frustrated: you thought you got on so well. You send another text. She feels freaked out by your intensity and deletes your number. She also probably jokes about this ‘crazy guy’ she met with her friends.
What’s weird is that it wasn’t that you were incompatible, or that she didn’t like you: but your intensity scared her off.

Another example?

You’ve been texting a girl for a few days and it seems to be going well. She is responding to all of your messages and you feel excited about your date this Friday. But when Friday night comes around, she cancels last minute. You text her next week and she replies again: but when you go for the date, no response. You skim back through the messages and realize that whilst you were doing everything to keep the conversation going (that ‘Goodnight snuggle Vixen’ message was a little cringe-worthy in hindsight) her replies were, well, a bit crap. Lots of ‘Lol’, ‘haha’, and ‘xxx’. Apparently, these aren’t the good signs you thought they were, and you slowly realize whilst you were busy entertaining her, she was probably just replying for the sake of replying.

  • Both these problems are to do with investment: she has not invested as much as you.

There are several factors that influence investment:

  • How long have you been speaking to her when you first got the number.
  • How long you’ve been in contact in proportion to how much physical time you’ve spent together (face time is always preferable to text time so try to get her to commit to date quickly).
  • And How willing she was to give you her number
  • What other guys does she have in her life right now?

And there are several ‘warning signs of low investment:

  • She takes ages to respond
  • Her texts are brief and consist more of emoticons than real content.
  • She doesn’t make an effort to keep the conversation going.
  • She seems to cool off or doesn’t respond, whenever you suggest meeting in person.
  • If she is behaving in a low-investment way, it’s not the end of the world; but it does mean you may need to play the game a little differently.
  • Maybe your date suggestion will be a quick coffee, rather than a day trip to the zoo. You also may want to use more conversational hooks, and if that fails, try teasing her to prompt more of a reaction.

High-risk messages which are short, punchy, and tricky for her to respond to are likely not to go down so well: though sometimes a low investment response that can be broken by you is much more direct. So if you’ve been texting for ages- and yet haven’t quite managed to ask her out then pick up the phone; or send a message a bit like this:

Am I the only one who’s bored of texting? Conversations are always
better in real life- let’s try to link up for coffee this week x

Hot/Cold Numbers

Some numbers are just more solid than others.
Sometimes an interaction that you thought went amazingly well comes to nothing: other times that 30-second pick-up you did with the girl at the bus stop, bites ridiculously well.
There are some general rules though which can dictate which numbers are more solid than others. I distinguish between these two kinds of numbers by calling them ‘hot’ or ‘cold’. A cold number is one that is flakier: or harder work to convert into a date.

Some characteristics of cold numbers:

  • You may have got a girl’s number in a rush, and only spent a very short amount of time with her.
  • She was hesitant to give her number out.
  • She gave her number with an excuse: ‘my phone may not work in the UK’ etc.
  • She doesn’t always respond.
  • She uses lots of low investment ‘lols’, ‘hahaha’s’ and smilies to keep the conversation going.
  • She doesn’t ask about you or gives any further details about herself.

A hot number on the other hand is much stronger, to begin with: and as long as no major screw-ups in your Texting for Dating occur, should convert into a date:

  • You met a girl through an existing social circle.
  • You spent a long time talking to the girl: maybe even went on an ‘instant date’ then and there.
  • You discussed linking up again during your initial meeting.
  • She responds relatively quickly and at a decent length.
  • She offers you details about her life.
  • She asks you questions.

So how differently would you treat a hot versus a cold number?

If it’s a hot number you’ll probably be able to get her to commit to a date on messages 2-3; for a cold number you’ll need to wait until you get enough ‘investment’ from her: that’s ‘signs she’s ready for a date.
If it’s a hot number momentum (we’re coming to that in a second) is slightly less important. You can leave it a little longer before getting in contact. With a cold number, if you leave it for a week, her interest will probably have cooled to zero.
If it’s a hot number you want you can ask for a higher commitment date like a night out or dinner. If it’s a cold number stick to a quick coffee or after-work cocktails.
If it’s a hot number you sometimes need to just play it cool enough; with a cold number, you may need to use more connecting and teasing texts to build interest in her…

depending on what kind of messages she responds best to.

Remember interactions between a man and a woman need sexual tension to keep the interest going. If there was a huge spark, and a great experience, when you first met- her interest levels are going to stay higher for longer than an interaction that was lukewarm. And you ALWAYS want to go for the date when the proverbial iron is as hot as possible.
So when you’re using my text templates always bear in mind how ‘hot’ the interaction is: and ALWAYS try to go for the date when the interaction is at its peak. Just remember this peak is so often ‘ASAP’; so when you get those ‘buying signs’ that she’s ready for the date GO FOR IT.

Space

What’s better than you getting angry with a girl’s flaky responses?
What do you do when she doesn’t respond how you want?
How do you behave when she becomes cooler towards you?
One of the most valuable tools at your Texting for Dating disposal is space. Sometimes the best action is inaction.

Space allows you to:

  • Maintain your cool.
  • Consider your response.
  • Allow her to miss your attention and consider her actions.
  • Not appear needy or emotionally volatile.

Some great times to use space would be:

  • If she sends a message that doesn’t require a response (‘hahaha’ or ‘Great thanks- have a good day’ are examples of this).
  • If she doesn’t reply to you asking for the date.
  • If her response to you asking for the date is flaky, mirror her investment levels with an ‘ok rain check! Mad busy over here too…’ then give her space.
  • If she’s rude beyond just being playful.

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