Seduction within the model

What we call the Seduction phase begins when she is comfortable enough to engage in sexual behavior (beyond kissing) with you, in a place where sex could realistically happen. Both elements are important here. No matter how sexual you are both being, if you’re out in public, you’re not in Seduction… unless you are both exhibitionists. Or if she’s in your bedroom but won’t let anything happen other than kissing, you’re still in Comfort.
The Seduction phase ends the first time you have sex. If you want there to be a second time. As you will see, “relationship” refers to the context for
ongoing sexual encounters and does not necessarily imply commitment or monogamy.
All of this makes Seduction one of the more straightforward phases to understand. You start when she is ready to engage you sexually, and end when you have sex with her.

Why women (sometimes) resist sex

The good news here is that Seduction is not usually where most men have their biggest problems. If you’ve done a good job in Attraction, Qualification, and Comfort and you’re not in a rush, then you will usually succeed at this one eventually. Women want and enjoy sex as much as men. Sexual arousal (as opposed to sexual decision-making) happens as quickly for women as it does for men.
The bad news is that, from a logical perspective, she probably shouldn’t have sex with you. Nothing personal, but you’re a new man. Sex with someone new might make her feel that she is easy or make her emotionally vulnerable or scare her that things are moving too far in case you’re not right for her.
She also risks your losing interest because she let things move too fast, or you’re telling her friends. All of this comes in addition to risking pregnancy or disease.
It can be difficult for a woman to admit, even to herself, that she wants to add a new name to the list of men she’s slept with. Society tends to be pretty judgmental about female sexual behavior and few women want to be thought of – by themselves or others – as “easy” or a “slut” or “whore.” This isn’t something easy for men to relate to. There are no male equivalents for these words or for the societal judgments that give them such power. Yes, some women are very comfortable and confident with their sexuality and sexual decision-making. These women are often great catches but are not the majority.



Make the journey feel natural.
A good analogy for Seduction done properly is being on a car trip where you were enjoying the ride and talking to your friend in the driver’s seat, and wasn’t consciously thinking about being on a journey until you arrived at your destination. This is how Seduction should feel for a woman.
The key element here is to avoid jarring interruptions. If the driver had stopped to ask for directions, appeared nervous about the trip, started acting differently all of sudden, drove too fast or too slow, or did anything dangerous, you would fall out of your comfort zone. Your mental pattern switches from enjoying your friend’s company to focusing on the journey. You’ll start thinking about what is going on, how, and why.
In addition, many women find it a turnoff to have to actively participate in their seduction. Consider romance novels, which are pretty much entirely directed at women. He wants her, she’s reluctant, he wants her more, she accedes, and then finally they couple up in a fit of passion. He takes 100% of the responsibility for leading her to sex in a way that is exciting and comfortable for her.


Let’s proceed with some examples of how to use avoidance, blurring, and distraction to deal with major state breaks in Seduction:

State Break #1: Bringing her home

Avoidance: Don’t get sexual until you get home. There is no point. If you try to arouse her before you try to get her to your house, she will know what your agenda is. You may not even get another date if she thinks that a successful date with you has to end in sex.
Avoidance: Plan to do activities in or near your house. It’s much easier to get into Seduction if the two of you are already in your living room or around the corner than if you’re in two separate cars at the other end of town. This is a great strategy for dates.
Avoidance: Don’t ask her if she’d like to come home with you. Lead her home. Hold her hand and walk her to your car. Don’t ask; assume that she’s getting in. Don’t volunteer that you’re taking her home.
Avoidance: Make her comfortable being in your house well before you’re in the Seduction phase. If she’s learned that she’s safe and can have fun in private with you during Comfort without your trying to sleep with her, taking her home in the future will be less likely to induce a state break.


Blurring: Bring her home for a reason other than to have sex with her. Saying to a woman “would you like to come back to my house” will often be interpreted as an invitation to have sex. You can blur this a bit by inviting her home to check out your photographs or lend her a book, or whatever.
Distraction: Say you are leaving a party with a woman. You each live 20 minutes away, in opposite directions. Bringing her home will be a state break that is tough to avoid or blur. To distract her. Use avoidance or blurring to get her into your car and then don’t stop talking. Tell her interesting stories to engage her logical mind so she’s not left alone with her thoughts.

State Break #2: Moving her to the bedroom

Avoidance: Use your living room couch the first time you have sex with her, or at least until she is sufficiently aroused (distraction) that the state break doesn’t hurt you.
Blurring: Same idea as in the “bringing her home” state break above.
Distraction: Arousal is a good all-purpose distraction. Most people will ignore some of the less important interruptions from their logical brains if they are turned on enough. Picking a woman up and carrying her into the bedroom is another distraction technique, and may arouse her at the same time.

State Break #3: Removing clothes

Avoidance: Don’t remove anything that isn’t necessary. If she’s wearing a skirt, you don’t need to remove anything at all. This causes fewer state breaks. If you enjoy the process of undressing a woman, save it for the second time you sleep with her if you anticipate any resistance the first time.
Blurring: Don’t suddenly move from one sexual activity to another. Say you’re touching her breasts and she’s comfortable with that but not with you touching her genitals. Don’t suddenly shift all of your attention from above to below her waist. Keep touching her breasts but also touch closer and closer to her genitals without stopping what you are doing with her chest. As long as she remains comfortable, you can steadily intensify your sexual touching this way.
Distraction: Once you’re home, distraction is usually physical. An excellent time to remove clothes is when she is getting a lot of physical pleasure from you, by doing anything from kissing her neck to oral sex.

State Break #4: Condoms

Avoidance: Uh, no. It’s not that uncommon for a woman to be completely willing to have unprotected sex with you while aroused and “at the moment” but to have a state break triggered by your getting a condom. You don’t need a safe sex warning, but it’s amazing how many guys will skip the condom to avoid the state break. Plan for this scenario, and Blur or Distract instead (see below).
Blurring: Avoid this problem by keeping condoms near the bed, where you can get to them easily and unobtrusively. Or keep one in the pocket of your pants, and remember when you take your pants off not to throw them too far out of reach.
Distraction: Performing oral sex is an excellent time to put a condom on. After she has an orgasm or has had enough, she will inevitably pull you up to kiss her or to have her face near yours. If you have a condom on, penetration should follow naturally, especially with the added lubrication from oral sex.

State Break #5: Penetration

Avoidance: Why? You must have the wrong book.
Blurring: With a condom on, you have a lot of freedom for rubbing, “teasing,” and otherwise intensifying genital-genital contact (usually while kissing her lips or neck, sometimes ears). If she questions this, tell her you to believe in safety even for just rubbing up together. She’ll know that this isn’t the full story, but it should satisfy her logical mind. At that point, arousal and increased wetness can make penetrative sex “just happen.”
Distraction: If you come up with a way to distract a woman from the fact that you are having sex with her, I’d be very curious to know how you do this. I’d be even more curious to know why you’d want to.




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