Phone Game: Your Best Tool To Move The Relationship Forward.

Here are some more things you can do to get a woman on the phone:


Phone Game

Most phone game takes place in the Comfort phase. However, you need to think about phone games differently from regular, in-person comfort building. This is partly because one of the major purposes and challenges of being on the phone with a woman is to arrange for the two of you to meet up in person again.
In addition, the nature of your interaction is different on the phone. You can’t see each other’s body language. You can prepare much better. Neither of you has to answer the phone. Most people have Caller ID. Conversations can end with very little notice. And so on. We’ll analyze the impact of these factors in this article.

The Goal of the phone game

As stated above, your primary aim with Phone Game is to get her to meet up for a date. Your secondary aim is to use time on the phone with her to build comfort. Of course, you’d build far more comfort in person than on the phone over an equivalent period; however, until you can see her again in person, the telephone is your best tool to move the relationship forward.


Script the call out beforehand and write down some notes.

Why not? She can’t see you. Plan the first couple of things you are going to say and a couple of things you can jump in with if you run out of things to say. Uncomfortable silences on the phone are deadlier than they are in person since a phone conversation – or a relationship – can end after just a few awkward seconds, when she says, “Well, I have to go now.”

How to get her phone number

This is the wrong question to start with. The right question is: why should you get her number?
It’s so you can go on a date with her. A phone number has no value in itself. For that matter, neither does a date. There is nothing in the Emotional Progression Model that mandates meeting her again at a different time – which is all a date is – rather than continuing forward at that moment.
In a way, trying for a date is an admission of failure, even if most of the time it’s an unavoidable “failure.” Trying to meet up with her later says: “I am not trying to move this relationship forward right now.

I am going to try to continue this later. In the best case, I’d be right where I am now.

In the worst case, we won’t end up meeting up and I lose the relationship with her.”
A date never gains you anything. All it does is give you another chance to push the relationship forward if the logistics weren’t right to do so when you met her. Of course, most of the time, the logistics won’t be right when you first meet. If you meet a woman on your lunch break and you have to get back to work, you’ll need to set up a date. Or If she’s shopping with her girlfriends and can’t leave them, you’ll need to set up a date. If you’re both at a club but it would be socially awkward for you to leave together, you’ll need to set up a date.

Women and “flaking” – How not to get her phone number

Why does flaking happen? Let’s look at an example of a typical, attractive, social woman.
She goes out to a restaurant with her friends. While waiting at the bar, an interesting man approaches her. 3 to 5 minutes later (about how long it should take to get some attraction going), he asks for her number so they can “hang out sometime.” At that moment, she genuinely would “hang out” with this man “some time”…but it doesn’t turn out that way.
Going out “sometime” is different from going out Thursday night. To see her “some time” all you have to do is be more interesting than doing nothing.

That’s a pretty low standard. She can agree to that.
And, if she has nothing else to do, she might see you. However, most desirable women rarely have “nothing else to do.”
Thus, to see her at a specific time, you need to be more interesting than anything else she could be doing, like friends, hobbies, work, other dates, or relaxing at home. That’s a tough standard to meet in 3-5 minutes. Especially since throughout the night, she met a bunch of other men. Did you think you were the only man to notice her? She likes all of the attention and flirting, but she doesn’t have time to go on 9 dates this week.

How to get her phone number – for real

To have a good chance of seeing her again, you need to establish some comfort with her during the first interaction. This means you need to open, transition, attract, and qualify her first. I don’t care if you only have 10 minutes. You just have to play faster.
Here are some anti-flaking tactics for getting her phone number:

Have something specific to do. She should plan to help you shop for your niece’s birthday on Saturday, not “hang out sometime.”

  • Bait her into suggesting the date. Let her chase you. Drop little hints (“I’m going to X” or “I’d love to do Y”) and see if she tries to become part of those plans or says something like, “That sounds fun; I’d love to do something like that.”
  • Don’t make the date, or the phone number exchange, the last part of your interaction. That feels like a pickup. Stay at least 5 minutes afterward.
  • Engage her friends. When she goes home, her friends should be excited for her that you guys are meeting up later and not wondering who that creepy guy was. To a woman, her friends’ approval for the men she dates is very important, much more important than peer group approval is for men.
  • Focus on the date, not the phone number. The phone should be an afterthought (and isn’t always strictly necessary, although you take a big risk that she won’t think your plans are serious if you don’t get her number).
  • Set up callback humor. If you have a running joke during your interaction where you have a nickname for her, and later you phone her and call her by that nickname, it often triggers a reversal of the previous emotional state. She’ll be back in the world of being out, having fun, and meeting men, as opposed to whatever mundane thing she was doing when you called.
  • Program your number into her phone. Many people will not answer the phone if they don’t know who is calling. This way she’ll know, for better or worse, that it’s you. Set up more callback humor by having her program your name as “My hero” or “Mr. T” or whatever is playfully relevant.

Phone Game: Early

Call her (or send a text message) soon after meeting her for the first time. Contact her that day, if you like, or the following day.
In the first call, you will probably have to do most of the talking, at least for the first minute or two.
Call to tell her about something funny that happened, or to ask her a question. Whatever you do, you have to seize her attention. Your first call with a woman should never go like this:

Her: Hello?
You: Hi, is Julie there?
Her: This is Julie.
You: Hi, it’s Dave. We met at Balboa Park yesterday.
Her: Oh, yeah. Hi.
You: How’s it going?
Her: Not bad, you?
You: Not bad.
You’ve just lost the first eight lines of dialogue – the most important eight lines – dissipating any emotional momentum your first interaction with her could have created.
You brought the energy level down when you needed to raise it.


If you get her voicemail, either she didn’t get to her phone in time, or she saw your number and didn’t feel like talking to you at that moment. You did program your name into her phone, right?
Well, leave her a message! Make it a “call to action” message. You want her to return the call.
Examples of elements that incorporate a call to action include:

  • I didn’t know you knew my friend Kelly.
  • My friend said that you… [hang up on yourself]
  • Oh my God, you’ll never guess what just happened.
  • Pick something true and that you can be congruent with.
  • By the way, if your phone, and goes directly to voicemail (and doesn’t ring at all), hang up. You got a free pass. If it doesn’t ring, it won’t show up as a missed call on her phone, and she won’t see that you called. If it does ring, leave a message.

Phone Game: Middle

Now that you’ve got a conversation going, you want to get her to meet up with you, right? Well, maybe. On the first call, I usually don’t.
With enough intuition and practice, you’ll be able to judge the right moment to suggest plans. As long as you are doing good work building comfort on the phone, there is no rush. Usually, a woman will start dropping hints that she wants to meet, especially if you talk about the fun activities and friends that you experience in your day-to-day life. This can happen on the first, second, or even a subsequent call.

Phone Game: End

Aim for 12-25 minute conversations and make sure you get off the phone first. You can demonstrate value in doing so by having another call you need to take, or your friend just showed up to take you to some high-status event, or something similar. If you want to refresh her attraction to you, you can demonstrate that you are a Challenge by, for example, telling her you’ll call her back in an hour and not doing so.
And If she is busy, at work, or being distracted, just say “I’ll call you back when you’re not distracted.” If she tries to get you to stay on the phone, then stay, unless the distraction is annoying.

If she doesn’t call you back

Okay If she doesn’t call back, try her again in a couple of days. Or try sending her a text message. Or try calling from a different phone number. Don’t use “call block” to hide your phone number when you call her. That’s lame.

Here are some more things you can do to get a woman on the phone:

  • Vary the time of day when you call. Morning, afternoon, evening, and night. If you’re getting nowhere, try calling at midnight. You may wake her up, so make sure you can be immediately entertaining from the second she answers. (Start with a high-energy, funny, short routine. Don’t even introduce yourself.)
  • Keep old phone numbers around. Holidays can be a great occasion for women to come out of the woodwork. Texting every woman in your phone book with something like “Happy New Year” can sometimes reconnect you with a couple of them.
  • Don’t ever acknowledge that you are calling and she isn’t returning your calls. Adopt the frame – to yourself – that she is just a flaky woman and it’s kind of cute. Don’t let it cross your mind that she might not be interested in you. Therefore, don’t ever say “this is the last time I’m calling” or “I’m calling to leave you another message.”



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