Implications of kissing
Kissing is a big deal. It’s usually the first point in an interaction between you and an unambiguous woman. Anything verbal can be rationalized as “flirting” or “teasing.” Non-sexual touching before kissing can be interpreted as “friendly” or “playful.” However, kissing is usually the bright red dividing line between “friends” and “romance.” Once you kiss someone, it’s harder to rationalize this away or go backward.
On one hand, this is good because it advances the relationship. However, when you kiss, you risk dissipating the sexual tension that you’d built up with her.
To understand this, we need to take a detour through how sexual attraction works.
A strange relationship. Popeye was so macho he seldom showed passionate actions for her. If so; -it was as a mannish man, giving presents, & no kissykissy. Olivia was so sweet to him. Kissing him all the time, & he saved her ..again …& again. Do I remember it correctly? pic.twitter.com/FeXI62xsyk
— Martin Aakervik (@RiffMartinAa) June 29, 2022
Many variables affect sexual attraction and sexual behavior. The crucial one that many men miss – as it applies to female sexuality – is sexual tension…
Tension is crucial. It reflects the thrill of the chase. Even though you might be happy to have sex with a supermodel who spontaneously appeared on your bed, you would likely want her even more if she appeared in your living room, and flirted with you, let your mind spend hours imagining having sex with her before you finally won her over. This buildup of anticipation and sexual tension can be important for men but is crucial for most women.
To use another analogy, male sexual behavior is like an on/off switch, based primarily on a woman’s looks. In contrast, female sexual behavior is like a pot of water on a hot stove, building up in intensity until her emotions reach a boiling point. This is true even though it takes about the same time (based on body chemistry) for men and women to become sexually aroused.
Kissing and Sexual Tension
When you and a woman are flirting and connecting, she will often start imagining or anticipating the kiss. She’ll be wondering if you’re a good kisser. And so on. That tension and ambiguity are fun and exciting for her. It keeps her interested. Once you kiss her, that ambiguity and tension can dissipate.
Have you ever known someone for a while where there was an unspoken attraction between you two…
but when you finally hooked up with her, it felt like you both “got that out of your system” and could go back to being friends instead of feeling like it was the beginning of a sexual relationship? That’s because the anticipation and tension were gone. This can happen, especially to women, with kissing.
To avoid this letdown, make sure that:
1. The kiss is a good one.
2. You immediately re-establish the tension.
Re-establishing sexual tension
You can re-establish sexual tension either for more kissing or for more intense sexual touching.
Generally, if you are in public or in a place where you could not realistically have sex, create anticipation for more kissing. If you’re somewhere you could have sex, create tension for that.
kissing a chick (correctly) will get her wetter than eating her
— Perm (@HezSoKrayzee) August 7, 2015
- To create tension for more kissing.
- End the kiss first (but not too early).
- Playfully call her a bad girl, and tell her that’s all she gets… for now.
- Create physical tension. Touch her face. Bring your lips close to hers while you are talking, but don’t let her kiss you. Whisper in her ear, etc… You get the idea.
To create tension for sexual escalation:
- Make the kissing session long. Unless you sense that she is already “ready,” kissing her for one minute and then feeling her up could be perceived as “too fast” and create a state break. Make out with her for 10+ minutes, and her body will start anticipating the
- Kiss, but do more than a kiss, so she anticipates the next step. Run your hands through her hair or pull it if you know how – there’s an art to this. Grab her hair at the roots as low as you can on her neck. Pull firmly but gently downward. It takes practice. Kiss her neck, etc.
- Tease her physically. Run your hand up her leg, but pull it away before you get too high. Make sure you pull your hand away before she does, and make sure you are clearly teasing her and not merely “respecting her boundaries.” Verbalize this
Kissing as an indicator
Just because kissing is the first unambiguous test of whether you and she are sexually interested in each other, it does not mean that kissing should be used as a test or a confirmation of her attraction to you.
Have you ever been on a date with a woman and leaned in for that first kiss at the end of the night when she’s saying goodbye on her doorstep?
This is a phenomenally weak move.
It says to a woman, “I’m interested in you; now I want to reassure myself that you are interested in me.” A confident man is accustomed to women being interested in him and kissing on his schedule, not according to what he sees men do on TV. If it doesn’t fit into your plan to kiss her then and there… don’t. Try to make your first kiss at a moment when she hits an emotional high point in your interaction with her. Or to reward her for doing something you like.
Never kiss a woman to find out if she’s interested in you sexually. Use the knowledge from this guide and the social intuition you will develop from using it repeatedly to develop a sense of when a woman is interested.
The Question Game Kiss
This routine was first invented by Mystery as an all-purpose kiss tactic. As a matter of preference, we tend to use this only as part of the Question Game. However, it can work in other situations too – try it with our other kiss invitations and see which you like the best.
What we do is ask, “Do you want to kiss me?” It’s important to get the phrasing right. It’s not “May I kiss you?” or “Are you going to kiss me?” Neutral phrasing is important.
Her likely responses can be divided into three categories:
1. Green Light. Responses here include “yes,” “maybe,” or leaning in to kiss you.
If you get any response like this, kiss her. If she says “maybe,” respond with “let’s find out” while you move to kiss her.
2. Yellow Light. Responses here include “not here” or “not yet.”
She does want to kiss you, but not in this particular situation. Don’t discuss. Don’t try to solve her objections by moving somewhere else or arguing that you’ve known each other long enough. Just say “I understand” and let the conversation continue on another topic. Your opportunity will come up again later.
3. Red Light. Responses here include the ever-popular “no.”
She is likely not interested in you yet. Or you have taken her by surprise and this was her instinctive reaction. Maybe she is interested in you but doesn’t want to seem easy. Or she meant “not here” or “not yet.” If you get a rejection here, don’t be negative. Just say something like “I didn’t say you could; it just looked like you had something on your mind” and change the subject. You may need to add more Attraction, more Qualification, or more Comfort. Or elements of all three.
The “I’m trying so hard not to kiss you” Kiss
This routine was first developed by Style as part of his Evolution Phase Shift routine. The part that is specifically necessary for kissing is to lean into her, smell her neck, and say:
“You smell so damn good. I’m trying so hard not to kiss you right now.”
If she flinches, pulls back, or says something negative, then she is not likely to be receptive to a kiss. In this case, just change the subject and realize that you still have more work to do, similar to the “red light” scenario in the previous example. If she holds steady, leans in, or touches you, she is ready to be kissed.