Approaching Guide : Your Lifetime Approaching Strategies

Work on Your advanced Approaching Strategies


Watch what you do before you Approach. Many women will notice you, consciously or subconsciously, before you start talking to them. Use this to your advantage.

For example:


Before You Approach Checklist

  • Be laughing, smiling, and having a good time.
  • Display confident body language.
  • Be the leader of whatever social group you are in (be making the biggest gestures, get the attention focused on you, etc.).
  • Have women already around you. Having a couple of even average-looking women around you – even ones you met that night – will do wonders for your ability to interest a beautiful one. This is
    “pre-selection,” another of the eight attraction triggers.
  • Don’t move around too much. The party is where you are.
  • Don’t look around too much. The party is where you are.
  • Don’t be picking up women. Having them around and interested is great.
  • Observably hitting on every woman in the bar is not.
  • Being with cool people (even if you met them that night) also conveys high social value.
  • Being the cool guy in a group of losers just makes you King of the Losers.
  • Be social, not predatory. If you are staring around like a shark, looking for women to approach, they will notice and be defensive.

The First Few Seconds

When you see someone you are interested in, approach them right away. This has also been called the “3-second rule.” Doing so will make your opener appear more spontaneous, she will not notice you hesitate, and you won’t have time to make yourself more nervous. If you approach right away, you also don’t have to worry about the group moving or becoming engaged in something else.
Women like confidence and spontaneity. They don’t like to be stalked. Wandering around, circling her, looking at her, and trying to figure out what to say to her will just turn her off and creep her out.
Get into the habit of seeing an attractive woman and approaching her group. You’ve already got a couple of openers ready, right?
Smile for the first few seconds. Don’t grin like an eccentric goblin throughout the entire interaction, but smile as you approach the group and during the first few seconds of the opener. Smile with your eyes, not just your mouth.

Body Language and Tonality

Your opener should be loud enough that it cuts across whatever conversations the group is already having and gets their attention. Don’t shout, but make it socially awkward for people not to pay attention to your opener. Practice speaking – loudly – from your chest, not your throat. If you put your hand on your chest, you should be able to talk in two ways:

  • one in which you can feel the vibrations on your hand, and one where you can’t. Train yourself to speak in a way where you can feel the vibrations. This will be a deeper, more powerful, and more resonant voice.
  • Don’t lean in. It makes you seem like you have lower status than the person you’re talking to.
  • Raise and project your voice enough that a woman can hear you from a normal standing position.
  • For opinion openers: Do not walk straight up to the group. Approach at an angle, tilt your head over your shoulders and deliver your opener. Turn to face them within the first minute.

If done correctly you can raise your value significantly by demonstrating that you do not need their attention or approval.

Approach Anxiety

Starting a conversation with a woman you don’t know can be very scary. We call this fear “Approach Anxiety.” Almost every man has it. We’ve learned how to deal with it and so will you.
If approach anxiety did not exist, bars and nightclubs would make a lot less money from liquor sales.
Some men refer to alcohol as “liquid courage” and drink to lower their inhibitions and increase their confidence to approach women. Unfortunately, you cannot just send alcohol to the part of your brain that governs your inhibitions; it also goes to the parts of your brain that stop you from slurring, knocking things over, and remembering! Furthermore, if you depend on alcohol to get over-approach anxiety, you will be restricting your opportunities for meeting women to those times and places where alcohol is easily accessible.

Theoretically, you could walk around drunk all day meeting women. This
might even be fun for a day or two. It is fun. I can tell you this from personal experience. At my college, we called it “Spring Break.”
In normal life, if you’re not going to alter your brain chemistry with alcohol or other drugs, then you’ll need to get over-approach anxiety psychologically. This is hard but necessary. Here are some ideas that may help:

Realize that rejection isn’t bad

Approaching is a skill, not a personality test.
Before I learned to approach, I remember one night at a popular nightclub in San Diego when I approached 15 groups, and none of the conversations lasted for more than 2 minutes. I did not successfully approach a single group.
A few weeks later, I was out with someone who had learned from someone who knew what he was doing (he is currently an instructor with Love Systems). I saw how to approach effectively, and got a little bit better. With practice, I became proficient. Did I become a different person? No. I just learned to approach. No one was rejecting me during the awful 0 for 15 nights. They were rejecting my approach, and rightly so since it was terrible. Also, They could not possibly have been rejecting me, since no woman knew me for more than two minutes. They did not know anything about me. You as a person can no more be rejected by a woman after your opener than the game of basketball could reject you because you missed a shot. Practice the shot – or the opener – and you will succeed. Go out somewhere where people don’t know you and use a ridiculous opener – one that you expect would not work. Do it 10 times. You will not die. Instead, you should become less stressed and have more fun with the process. Keep that attitude when you use a “real” opener.

Get warmed up

Think of your first couple of approaches as “warm-ups.” Most people generally need to ease into the process of being social with strangers. Before you go out, do things to get your social energy up. Call friends. Listen to high-energy music. Interact with random people. It’s very difficult to go directly from being alone with your computer to being the life of the party.

Use opinion openers

Opinion openers are great for getting over approach anxiety because, after all, you’re just asking a question. You’re not hitting on anyone (yet). And because they are scripted, you can focus on their delivery. Good or bad delivery is usually what will make an opener work, so giving yourself a chance to focus on this – knowing that the content of your opener is fine – can only benefit you in the long run.

Create incentives

Very few people like approaching strangers. Some people set targets of a certain number of approaches per day or per week. Others take it a step further and create systems to reward themselves if they succeed or punish themselves if they fail. For example, the Venusian Arts Handbook suggests that you go out with a friend and give him $200 and have him give you $20 back every time you open someone new. Or you can tell your friend not to drive you home until you’ve opened 8 new groups.

Dealing with other men

Don’t be afraid of mixed groups (groups with men and women in them). Mixed groups are actually easier than all-female groups if you are using an opinion opener since you can (and usually should) direct your opening conversation at the men in a group. If you are sufficiently interesting, the women will want to also get your attention. By playfully ignoring or teasing the woman you’re interested in, you may start to create the type of emotional tension that often leads to attraction.
You can and should approach mixed groups even when such groups include more men than women.
The relationships between the men and women in such groups will become obvious early in your interaction with them (or will become so when you ask how everyone knows each other), and you will earn credit with the women in the group for having the guts to approach when most other men would be too timid.

Do not initiate conflict with the other men in the group.

A woman will be less interested in you if she senses that you cannot get along with the men in her life. If you appear to disrespect a woman’s brother, sister’s boyfriend, coworker, platonic male friend, or any other man in her social circle, you will demonstrate poor social skills. You will also end up making enemies within her social circle, who will try to convince her not to date you.
Befriending other men does not mean kissing up to them – neither they nor the women in the group, will be interested in you if you do – but it does mean treating them with respect. Imagine that you are at the park with your younger sister. What would a man have to do for you to want her to date him, or at least for you to be neutral about it? One technique for bonding with someone is to act as if he
is already your friend. Act toward other men in her group as you would act around your own friends.
Sports, gadgets (comparing cell phones often works), cars, alcohol, and movies are often good sources of conversation with other men.
Now, that being said, how does approaching a mixed group to differ from opening an all-female group?






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